Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
