was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
