i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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