New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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