Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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