You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
