I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
