Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
