Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
