If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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