if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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