I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
