Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
