On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
