I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
