I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
