So drunk, too bad you don't want this
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
