i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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