You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
