He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
