Apparently you make a good broom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
