Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
