It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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