Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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