all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
