so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
