One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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