alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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