Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
