I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize