She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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