So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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