oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
