Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
