You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
