Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
