his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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