You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
