Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
