after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
