Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
