Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you had me at cake vodka
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
