Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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