apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
