just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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