I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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