I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
accomplished twins. life is a go
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
