Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
