Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
