I wish you could order shots online.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
