my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
