I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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