I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
