By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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