Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
