i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
