Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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