i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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