Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
