He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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