i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
