i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
