Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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