You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
