Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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