i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
