the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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