Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
